Most of you know that I lost my younger brother Josh on July 30, 2011 in a motorcycle accident. He just turned 24 and was the best brother a girl could ask for. If I can be completely transparent, the last week has been terrible. People say that they feel like they have a broken heart when things like this happen. I never understood that until now, my heart and body physically hurt from loosing him. Most days I feel like I can't stand or breath, honestly I wouldn't be breathing or standing if it wasn't for the Lord. One of the hardest things is to praise God in the midst of trials. I find it easy to ask for things during trials but to actually praise him through a storm is difficult. I know I shouldn't, but I'm still amazed at the Lord's love for me. He has been there for me through the good and through the bad, even when I wasn't leaning on Him the way I should. His strength is the reason I have been able to walk through the fire.
With strength given by the Lord I was able to speak at Josh's funeral. It was one of the hardest things I have done, but when I got up and saw over 300 people there to remember my brother it made my heart ache with joy and sadness at the same time. He was an amazing person who touched a lot of people with his contagious smile and loving attitude. Although I would do anything to have my brother back I am grateful for the life he and I had together. I don't regret anything from our relationship. We truly had a wonderful brother/sister relationship, best friends and best enemies. There wasn't a week that went by that we didn't talk or see each other and the last time I saw him he gave me a big hug and told me he loved me. I'm just sad that Everlee will never get to know him on earth, but believe me I will be telling her a lot of stories about her Uncle Josh.
Even though my heart is hurting now I can't wait for it to be filled with joy when Everlee comes! I can't wait to meet her!
"...fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." ~Isaiah 41:10
XOXO
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for you! I'm so glad you have God, not to mention a pretty great family, to help you through the hurting. And it isn't amazing how God timed such a blessing in your life to give you a joyful purpose and focus? His ways are mysterious, and though his reason may be hard to grasp, his love never is.
ReplyDeleteStill praying for you...
ReplyDeleteI wanted to post on this awhile ago but it slipped my mind, so now I am late. I just want you to know that this is very beautifully written! Your strength amazes me and I know that it is God given. I am still praying for you and Greg during this time. Love you tons!
ReplyDeleteP.S. I can't wait for Everlee either!
You have such a beautiful heart and truly shine for God. Your brother was very lucky to have you as a sister and I pray God's bounty of peace over you.
ReplyDelete